Halloween in the Obama White House. A Guest Post by Jim Shorts

[This blog post was provided by the author Jim Shorts.  You can learn more about him and download his free ebook and white papers at gustosmooth.com]

I’ve had the opportunity to observe the Obama family in person celebrating Halloween.  Like other holidays as well as regular days, Halloween in the Obama White House is a fucked up event.

Barack is an avid cross-dresser and loves pretending to be someone he’s not.  Thus, Halloween is his favorite day of the year.  One year he dressed up as Steve Urkel.  Last year, he wore the same costume as Michelle did – they both dressed up as Grace Jones.  That was awkward.  I will say, though, that President Obama is surprisingly agile in high heels.  He must get a lot of practice wearing them.

Mrs. Obama doesn’t get into the holiday as much.  She gets discouraged easily, because it’s hard for her to find costumes that fit her broad shoulders as well as her broad behind.  I have suggested to her that she dress up as former professional fighter Trevor Burbick.  I think she could pull that off.

Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama’s mother, always dresses up for the occasion.  In previous years her Halloween costumes included Nell Carter and Della Reese, and one year she wore white-face and claimed she was Archie Bunker.

Two years ago, the White House Halloween party had to be cancelled because of her.  Back in 2012 ‘Mother’ Robinson couldn’t decide who to be for Halloween.  The always witty Vice President Joe Biden suggested she dress up as Aunt Jemima.  Mr. Biden himself was already in costume as Casper the Friendly Ghost.  Marian Robinson, who can not take a joke, told the Vice President to “put on a got-damn pillowcase and let his inner Klansman come out and play.”  Mr. Biden punched her in the mouth, and in the ensuing melee Secret Service agents discharged so much pepper spray we had to cancel the party.

As for the Obama children, their lack of personality sabotages whatever costumes they choose.  I will say, though, that Sasha does look very convincing when she dresses up as the ambiguous Willow Smith.  Malia usually just mopes around.

Obama Halloween parties are pretty lame.  Barack plays a game called “bobbing for plums.”  He is great at it and always comes up with two plums in his mouth at once.  It’s a game he says he learned from colored actor Don Cheadle.  I’d never heard of it before.  Michelle pretends to act like a normal mom and passes out toothbrushes to the children of White House staffers during the mandatory trick-or-treat.  The Obamas manage to take the fun out of just about every day, including Halloween, and most of us are glad when it’s over.


Michelle Obama is Writing an Addendum to the Holy Bible. A Guest Post by Jim Shorts

[This blog post was provided by the author Jim Shorts.  You can learn more about him and download his free ebook and white papers at gustosmooth.com]

I’m fortunate enough to still have White House insight and connections.  This country’s leading nutritionist, Michelle Robinson Obama, is writing another book.  This one’s not about growing long, hard cucumbers that can really take a pounding.  It’s an addendum to the Bible.

Mrs. Obama is convinced that her people are the chosen people and that the current Bible doesn’t have enough references to them.  She is determined to force her ideology upon America as well as outsell Barack’s two (or three?) autobiographies.

Below are excerpts from Mrs. Obama’s own handwritten book outline I obtained from an unidentified source.

Title: The Now Testament
Foreword:  It’s our time, and we’re so important, meaningful, and important that God Almighty hisself is behind us.

The book of Rainbow – How The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King overcame the homophobic Birmingham Police Department.  Dr. King’s civil rights movement had one purpose – to force America to promote and accept alternative sexuality, religious objections be damned.  King’s prophets, Jesse Jackson and my man Barack, carry on that work today.

The book of Remuneration – President Franklin Roosevelt and President Lyndon Johnson set up the social safety net to begin repaying coloreds what we are owed.  Cover these topics:  Head Start, the free school breakfast and free school lunch programs, free school supplies, free books, free Angel Tree Christmas gift programs, free coats, free day care, free shoes…

The book of Saints – Talk about Tookie Wilson, Sean “50 Shots” Bell, Trayvon Martin, Michael whatshisname from Ferguson, Missouri, and Highway Robinson from Prichard, AL – all of them was killed by police drive-bys and KKK lynch mobs that, instead of hanging them, crucified them on crosses.  My people continue to suffer at the hands of our oppressors

The book of Endeavor – how a project girl from Chicago overcame all the odds to excel in charter school, magnet school, win a race based scholarship, excel at Princeton even though a White student there had a nicer car than she did, receive an affirmative action job, and get elected as First Lady of America.

Gusto Television Season 2 Episode 9 and Episode 10

Something happened.  About two weeks ago, ME-TV, Memorable Entertainment Television, changed their fall lineup.  Here in Orange Beach, AL they have stopped showing our classic 1960s TV program The Fugitive.  Instead of waiting for them to bring it back who knows when, I’ve decided to keep podcasting.  I’m catching episodes of the show on YouTube and hope you will follow along.  As always, you’ll find Gusto Television podcasts over at gustosmooth.com.

I need to thank my paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida, for letting me continue on in this.  I’m still recording a new ad for them within the first minute of the podcast.  You may notice their fleet of cabs is looking a little cleaner.  Yeah, after about 7 weeks with no rain, Pensacola has gotten a few downpours lately.  So, the dirty city’s dirty streets are a little cleaner, and so too are Urban Taxi’s cabs.

Now, let’s talk about the two most recent episodes of our show.  Episode 9 was titled “Escape into Black.”  In it our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble, is badly hurt while searching for that one armed man.  Kimble is hospitalized with a concussion and amnesia.  He doesn’t remember who he is.  A hospital social worker lady tries to help him.  An uppity affirmative action colored doctor tries to use Kimble as an experiment, and when he learns of Kimble’s true identity tries to get him captured.  That social worker lady helps Kimble escape and learns the truth.  She believes in him and his innocence.  The tenacious Lt. Gerard is back, and he’s closing in.  Kimble is only moments away from being captured.  How will he get away?  Tune into my podcast and I’ll tell you.

Episode 10 was titled “The Cage.”  We find our man Dr. Kimble calling himself Jeff Parker.  He’s a handyman in a little fishing village.  His boss, Joe, has a beautiful 15 year old daughter, Carla, who loves Kimble.  He tries to keep his distance but can’t.  Carla’s father gets jealous.  Then, Kimble finds a man who has died of bubonic plague.  Kimble reports it to the health department and the town and its fishing boats are quarantined.  Kimble and Carla keep talking to one another, and her father gets fed up.  He tells deputies that Kimble acts like a wanted man.  They fingerprint Kimble, learn who he is, and detain him.  When the quarantine is lifted they plan to extradite Kimble back to death row.  How will he get out of this one?  If you’ll listen to my podcast I’ll fill you in.

Free New White Paper by Jim Shorts – “Squatties and the Perv”

Michelle Obama takes selfies while sitting on the commode and emails them to men she lusts after like Vladimir Putin?  Barack Obama dresses up like a lady and gives it up in front of a webcam?

But wait, there’s more.  You’ll find it in the latest free white paper by ex-White House security expert and current fugitive Jim Shorts.  In a brief 4 page, 25KB PDF document titled “Squatties and the Perv:  How the Obamas’ Disgusting Use of Computers Harms Us All” author Jim Shorts shares his insights into just how low down and down low the Obama family is.

Here at gustosmooth.com on the Jim Shorts page is that free white paper.  You don’t have to fill out any forms or even give me your email.  Just go to the above page and click on the link to download it.  If you don’t already understand why other leaders – friends and foes – look at Barack Obama with contempt, hopefully Jim Shorts’ hard work will help you figure it out.

Gusto Television The Fugitive Season 2 Episode 8

At my website gustosmooth.com you’ll find the latest podcast episode dedicated to our classic 1960s TV show The Fugitive.  This show was titled “Dark Corner.”

But first, I need to thank my paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida for their continued support.  Of course, their new ad is recorded in the first minute of each podcast, but that ain’t enough.  It’s hotter than two hells outside here in Orange Beach and over there in Pensacola, too.  Urban Taxi drivers work hard transporting Pensacola’s majority minority to and fro while putting up with their uppity remarks and shit attitudes.  Those guys and gals at Urban Taxi deserve better.

Okey dokey.  In tonight’s episode our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble is on a night bus headed out of Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  Dang it, there’s a sheriffs road block.  Kimble has to run out of the bus and away from Johnny Law.

Kimble manages to disappear.  He does so by hiding out on a small family farm, then getting hired on as a farm hand by the owner.  That owner, Sam, has two adult daughters living with him as well as the fiance of one of them.

Mattie, one of Sam’s daughters, is blind.  She’s also manipulative and evil.  And she’s beautiful.  She’s portrayed by the lovely Miss Tuesday Weld.  Mattie gets caught seducing her sister Clara’s’ fiance.  There’s a lot of family strife in this episode.  When she’s not after her future brother in law Mattie’s trying to ensnare our man Kimble.  Poor bastard.

Once again, not everyone’s going to make it out alive in tonight’s show.  Tune into my podcast and I’ll let you know if our man Kimble can stay out of trouble and out of a jail cell in this one.

Gusto Television The Fugitive Season 2 Episode 7

Over in the podcast section at gustosmooth.com you will find the latest podcast to follow along with our classic TV show from the 1960s, The Fugitive.  This episode was titled “Tug of War.”

98, 99, 100.  No, I ain’t counting my pocket money.  I’m telling you the temperature these past few days.  My paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida, does not want you sweating to death out in the heat.  Whether you’re going to take your lady friend out to dinner or you’re going to bail her out of jail, do it in the air conditioned comfort of an Urban Taxi cab.  Remember, I record a new ad for Urban Taxi in the first minute of every Gusto Television podcast.

In this episode our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble, is calling himself Kelley and minding his own business in Cornell, Idaho when, dang it, he’s recognized in a post office.  The local fuzz, a Deputy Fallon, is hot on his tail and actually flying around in a helicopter looking for Kimble.  Our man Kimble heads for the wilderness, where he’s found and arrested by a one-man posse, Samuel.  This man Samuel has a rifle and a heart condition.

Soon Deputy Fallon crashes the party.  He and Samuel have a past, and it isn’t a good one.  Samuel is a disgraced former sheriff who made a deadly error in judgment.  Deputy Fallon is a vain young hotshot who was kicked out of his pilot job in the military and has something to prove.  Meanwhile, our man Kimble is still the same good fella trying to escape trouble, prove his innocence, and help others.

Not everybody’s going to make it in this one.  If you’ll listen to my podcast I’ll share the story with you.

Gusto Television The Fugitive Season 2 Episode 4, Episode 5, and Episode 6

We’re caught up!  You can now listen the latest episodes of the Gusto Television podcast to follow along with that classic 1960s TV Show The Fugitive.

Don’t forget my paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida.  Remember, each podcast has a different new commercial for them within the first minute.  They’d like to say hi to you and bye to their long time driver D’Elvis Banks.  D’Elvis has left to take on a job as a public school bus driver for Pensacola’s newest charter school, a high school called The Trayvon Martin Preparatory Academy for Leadership Empowerment and Change Enablement.

You can click here for Season 2 Episode 4 which is titled “When the Bough Breaks.”  Our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble, is hoboing through North Dakota when he finds a damsel in distress.  It’s a young woman with a baby.  Turns out there’s a police dragnet set for her.  Kimble wants to do what he can to help her and the baby and avoid the cops at the same time.  It won’t be easy.  How does he do it?  Tune into my podcast to find out.

Here you’ll find Season 2 Episode 5 which is titled “Nemesis.”  Lt. Gerard is back, and he’s got his son, Phil Jr., who is portrayed by a very young Kurt Russell.  Kimble has to make a getaway by stealing a sheriff’s car of all things, and guess who’s inside hiding under a blanket?  It’s Phil Jr., Lt. Gerard’s son.  Kimble has to stay on the run while looking after Phil Jr. while the kid does everything he can to help Kimble get caught.  Later, Kimble and the boy have to deal with an outlaw portrayed by Slim Pickens.  How is Kimble going to avoid the growing number of cops and other characters after him in this episode?  If you’ll listen to my podcast I’ll tell you.

Last but not least, you can click here to get to Season 2 Episode 6 which is titled “Tiger Left, Tiger Right.”  There’s a kidnapper, portrayed by Leslie Nielsen, with a grudge looking to settle the score with a rich man he’s never met.  He kidnaps that fellow, or so he thinks.   Actually, he just gets that fellow’s gardener, our fugitive Kimble.  The kidnapper and his wife try to ransom Kimble.  The rich man calls the cops for help, and they quickly realize the kidnapped gardener is a wanted man, Kimble.  How is Kimble going to get out of this one?  You’ll find out when you listen to my podcast.

Gusto Television The Fugitive Season 2 Episode 1, Episode 2, and Episode 3

Thank you for not giving up on me.  Gusto Television, the podcast dedicated to that oldie but goodie TV show The Fugitive, is back.

My paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida, is back, too.  They had been pulled off the roads due to some alleged environmental infractions.  If you ask me it was one big hullabaloo.  Who cares if Pensacola gets a wee bit more polluted?

Here is the first episode of season 2, “Man in a Chariot.”  The intro has changed, but the show hasn’t.  Our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble, is still running and hiding.  He meets a famous law school professor who thinks he can prove Kimble’s innocent.  The professor’s class does a mock trial of the case.  The professor plans to file a real life appeal for Kimble, but that will involve Kimble turning himself in.  The show ends with a commitment on Kimble’s part to keep searching for that one armed man.  Why not file the appeal?  If you listen to my podcast you’ll find out.

This is the second episode, “World’s End.”  Kimble sees a personal ad in a newspaper directed at him.  He calls who he thinks wrote it, Elly, the daughter of his defense attorney, portrayed by a very young Suzanne Pleshette.  Elly has hired a private detective to continue the search for that one armed man.  She and Kimble meet.  Their problem is someone else read that personal ad, too, and is on their trail.  It’s Lt. Gerard.  Kimble has to make a choice – fly off to Brazil to spend his life with Suzanne Pleshette or keep running and hiding in the USA looking for that one armed man.  What happens?  Listen to my podcast to find out.

You’ll find the third episode here.  It was titled “Man on a String.”  Our man Kimble is on the road again.  He meets a friendly young woman, Lucy, who needs help.  He helps her.  Turns out she needs more help.  Lucy becomes the only suspect in the murder of her married boyfriend.  Kimble knows she’s innocent because he was with her on the night of the killing.  A friendly deputy convinces Kimble to tell his story.  People don’t want to hear it.  Kimble is faced with exposure and capture if he sticks around to testify in court.  Will he do it, and will he get away?  Tune into my podcast and I’ll tell you.

Thank you again for visiting my blog and my site.

Gusto Television The Fugitive Season 1 Episode 30

Wow, we’ve reached the final episode of season 1 of our classic 1960s TV show The Fugitive.  Here is the podcast for it.  The episode was titled “The End Game.”

I wouldn’t be posting this without the support of my paid sponsor, Urban Taxi of Pensacola, Florida.  They’d like to say goodbye to their longtime driver, T’ameka Broadwell.  She’ll be taking another road to battle her own personal demons.  Long story short, T’ameka had one too many close encounters of the weird kind driving late night fares around Pensacola.

From the get go our man the fugitive, Dr. Richard Kimble, is in trouble.  He doesn’t know it at first, but cops have learned he’s in their city and have brought in the relentless Lt. Gerard.  Kimble ends up running and hiding and out-thinking them for a while.

Kimble ends up held hostage in a house owned by an odd couple.  One of them, Devlin, wants to turn Kimble into the cops.  The other man, Reed, believes in Kimble and wants to help him avoid the police dragnet.  Meanwhile cops are searching their neighborhood house to house.  Kimble can hide, but doesn’t seem to be able to run.

Is this the end?  Kimble’s got to get out of this if we’re going to have a season 2.  Tune into my podcast and I’ll fill you in on the details.  And, remember, if someone you love or care about is in Pensacola, Florida, then help them escape, too.

Guest Post by Jim Shorts – The Obama White House Celebrates July 4th

[This blog post was provided by the author Jim Shorts.  You can learn more about him and download his free ebook and white paper at gustosmooth.com]

July 4th is an important day for the Obama family.  It’s Malia’s birthday.  The unfortunate looking first daughter will be turning 16 this year.  She’ll be eligible for her drivers license as well as her own EBT card.

Previous July 4th celebrations at the Obama White House have been obscene and galling.  The 2010 birthday party sticks in my mind as one of the hardest events to stomach.  Earlier that summer there had been a national scandal about Arlington National Cemetery.  Under President Barack Obama the operation of the national treasure had sunken to a disgraceful level.  Bodies were being buried one atop another and the wrong markers were being placed on graves.

Marian “Mother” Robinson had asked, or axed, Malia what she wanted for her birthday.  She wanted to go off-roading.  Some pickup trucks were made available from the White House motor pool, but Malia said she wanted dirt bikes instead.  As for a suitable place Marian Robinson said the best place would be that big park across from the Lincoln Monument.  She meant Arlington.

We transported the First Family and some motocross bikes to the cemetery.  Immediately there was a problem.  Michelle Obama could not sit comfortably on the bike.  The seat was too narrow for her behind.  Tony, one of the mechanics, had to take a bucket seat out of his own car, an old Datsun 240 Z, and install it on one of the bikes.

Keep in mind it’s hot as hell in D.C. in July.  I was sweating a lot and it really tickled my scalp. That particular year we thought Sasha had head lice again.  I know it was my nerves, but I just kept itching and scratching and thinking what if something was crawling on me.

As for the birthday girl and her family they spent the afternoon jumping tombstones, tearing up grass, and racing each other across the cemetery.  All except for Marian Robinson, who kept remarking how the cemetery was too big, was a bunch of wasted space, and there just couldn’t be that many “impo’tant” people in American history.

Malia’s older now.  Her interests have changed.  I think she may spend her birthday with her mother and father enjoying a private show of the male revue Thunder from Down Under.  Malia doesn’t have real friends, but Mrs. Obama can always order some of the Secret Service or Capitol Police to pal around with her.

As for the holiday aspect of July 4th the family may catch a fireworks show, but they’re not really big on celebrating America.  Barack only goes along with such things after he’s spent a while in his hydroponic grow room.  Otherwise, he can’t be bothered, and prefers to spend his off days Facebooking or visiting public restrooms.