[This blog post was provided by the author Jim Shorts. You can learn more about him and download his free ebook and white paper at gustosmooth.com]
For you, maybe this is the time of year for yard work, a brief vacation, and keeping the kids busy and out of trouble. For the Obama’s it is just another three months of their ongoing vacation that is heading into its sixth year. I want to share my experience and knowledge of their past summer breaks and hint at what kind of crap they’re likely to do this year.
Sasha’s 13th birthday will be June 10th. Most of her peers back in Chicago, upon becoming teenagers, are already parents or at least are expecting. Sasha has a real birth control kind of face, though, and is not likely to become pregnant ever. Secret Service protection also helps prevent that.
June 19th, or as coloreds call it “Juneteenth,” is a big celebration. Mother Robinson (Marian Robinson, Michelle’s mother) will tell stories about slavery to a randomly chosen “diverse” group of White House staffers’ kids. When she’s not enjoying holidays real or fake Marian Robinson makes shopping raids, I mean trips, to the Old Town boutiques and the Hagerstown outlets. These are busy occasions for Secret Service personnel who have to smooth over her visits with racist store owners who accuse Marian of stealing.
Malia will, as usual, go to summer school. Like her parents, she’s too privileged to fail. Malia already has a guaranteed spot for her at Princeton regardless of her talent and achievements. On July 4th the family will celebrate her birthday which is always a big deal at the White House. The wildest party I’ve ever heard of was in 2012. Malia had wanted Mariah Carrey to sing for her birthday, but Mrs. Obama insisted on having Kenny Chesney. The poor man ended up getting pantsed by a very rowdy First Lady. The President, oddly enough, was not offended by seeing the country music performer in nothing but a hat, torn tee shirt, and boots.
Speaking of Mrs. Obama, she spends her summer vacations taking classes at the learning annex. Last year she studied calligraphy and practiced signing her name as Michelle Robinson; she left out the Obama. With Air Force One at her beck and call she may pop up anywhere this summer where there’s a gay rights parade or black awareness rally.
As for the President, he is looking forward to spending this summer just like summers past – lots of quality time with his male friends. This will include golfing with basketball player Jason Collins and professional football sensation Michael Sam. Barack will also be personally assisting the National Registry in evaluating historically significant men’s bath houses in San Francisco and S&M dungeons in Baltimore.
In summary, it’ll be another un-American summer at the White House this year. Let’s hope the rest of the nation survives it.